Ya, the lazyness kicked in :( Plus I don't have much to say anyway..
Goal fest in last weekend's BPL. Yossi showed why he's important by getting a hattrick against Burnley with Kuyt completed the 4-0 scoreline. Man City also get 4 goals as they passed their first test with flying colours against Arsenal, who only managed to reply 2. But that 2 means the last team finally concedes. High flying Spurs was brought down to earth by Man Utd. As quoted by Jamie Yeo(something like that), "1 man down, 1 goal down, win 3-1. That's why they are champion." Chelsea scored another last minute goal...I thought Stoke will pull out a brave draw. No big surprise in the other matches.
Champions League starts today. The race to become the European Champion is on.
Friday, I'm going to Bali..yay. Don't look for me until the next Wednesday. Will write a diary and put it here, just for a guide if you want to go next time. Hopefully can catch good pics. Sorry I dun have those high tech digicam... only normal Olympus camera.
Here's some jokes for u guys..
Miracle at a Gas Station...
Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.
The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned.
Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in the car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient.
Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched from across the street.
One of them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm converting."
==================================
A Summer Skirt Situation...
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, a lovely looking woman became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step
Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
Showing posts with label Sports. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sports. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Drunk at a Bar...
In the middle of a huge metropolitan city was a skyscraper where at the top was a bar. At the end of a particularly hard day at work Jim went up to the bar to let go the stresses of that day. When he got there, there was already a man sitting at the bar drinking a particularly vile looking drink.
This strange man said "watch this" and proceeded to walk over to one of the large windows lining the wall. He then picked up a chair and smashed out the window and stepped out.
He started falling toward the ground turning end over end and right before he hit the ground he stopped and proceeded to drift up. He floated back up through the window and went back over to the bar.
Jim looked at the bartender and said "I'll have what he's having!"
After a few rounds of the drink, Jim stumbled over to the window and fell out. He fell all the way to the ground and landed with a loud SMACK.
The bartender turns to the mysterious man and says "Superman, you're such a jerk when you're drunk!"
==================================
BPL action over the weekend is normal. Gerrard snached a late win for Liverpool at Bolton. Man Utd got away with a win over Arsenal thanks to an own goal by Diaby. Arshavin scored a wonderful goal though. Lennon fired a stoppage time goal to keep them 4 win out of four to join Chelsea at the summit. Man City continued to have another clean sheet as Adebayor scored his third league goal as in many games.
==================================
Daddy Action...
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
"Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.
Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?
==================================
What is the most popular song in the radio now? I listen to radio a lot when I travel. I listen to "I Got A Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas everyday. Caught the same song played at 2 different stations at the same time for a few times. Chances of 3 stations playing the same song? Well, almost. 2 stations played I Got A Feeling and another playerd Boom Boom Pow. I''m sick of the songs already. Another popular artist that I frequently heard on the radio is from David Archuletta. I think I listen to all his songs everyday. But the songs that I look forward to at the moment are You Belong With Me and The Climb.
==================================
Holy Jokes!
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?"
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly, "It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'
=======
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
========
"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
========
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
========
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
========
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign:
"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
==================================
Still haven't have any update to my stories...sorry.
This strange man said "watch this" and proceeded to walk over to one of the large windows lining the wall. He then picked up a chair and smashed out the window and stepped out.
He started falling toward the ground turning end over end and right before he hit the ground he stopped and proceeded to drift up. He floated back up through the window and went back over to the bar.
Jim looked at the bartender and said "I'll have what he's having!"
After a few rounds of the drink, Jim stumbled over to the window and fell out. He fell all the way to the ground and landed with a loud SMACK.
The bartender turns to the mysterious man and says "Superman, you're such a jerk when you're drunk!"
==================================
BPL action over the weekend is normal. Gerrard snached a late win for Liverpool at Bolton. Man Utd got away with a win over Arsenal thanks to an own goal by Diaby. Arshavin scored a wonderful goal though. Lennon fired a stoppage time goal to keep them 4 win out of four to join Chelsea at the summit. Man City continued to have another clean sheet as Adebayor scored his third league goal as in many games.
==================================
Daddy Action...
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
"Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.
Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?
==================================
What is the most popular song in the radio now? I listen to radio a lot when I travel. I listen to "I Got A Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas everyday. Caught the same song played at 2 different stations at the same time for a few times. Chances of 3 stations playing the same song? Well, almost. 2 stations played I Got A Feeling and another playerd Boom Boom Pow. I''m sick of the songs already. Another popular artist that I frequently heard on the radio is from David Archuletta. I think I listen to all his songs everyday. But the songs that I look forward to at the moment are You Belong With Me and The Climb.
==================================
Holy Jokes!
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?"
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly, "It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'
=======
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
========
"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
========
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
========
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
========
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign:
"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
==================================
Still haven't have any update to my stories...sorry.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
He is Watching You...
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack, when a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying,
"Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,
"Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The same kind of people that would name a pit bull, Jesus."
==================================
Third round of BPL. Well, another defeat to Liverpool. Now, they have lost twice in 3 games/10days. Shocking to me. Didn't watch the game. No ASTRO at home.Don't want to go out in this month also. This time, also defending set pieces failed them. They need to get their act together if they want to end the long wait for the title. Perhaps Rafa should bring Gerrard back to central midfield and play with 2 strikers. Else, Burnley continued their fairy tale run in the premiership, this time Everton was the victim to another 1-0 defeat. Spurs, Man City and Arsenal also end up with a win. Now only left Man City as the only club yet to concede a goal in the premiership. Stoke and Birmingham got the first draw game of the season.
==================================
[Joke] Watch The Watch...
It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Claude the Amazing Hypnotist was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage, he announced,
"Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch.... "
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
"Crap!" said the hypnotist.
It took three weeks to clean up the theater.
"Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,
"Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The same kind of people that would name a pit bull, Jesus."
==================================
Third round of BPL. Well, another defeat to Liverpool. Now, they have lost twice in 3 games/10days. Shocking to me. Didn't watch the game. No ASTRO at home.Don't want to go out in this month also. This time, also defending set pieces failed them. They need to get their act together if they want to end the long wait for the title. Perhaps Rafa should bring Gerrard back to central midfield and play with 2 strikers. Else, Burnley continued their fairy tale run in the premiership, this time Everton was the victim to another 1-0 defeat. Spurs, Man City and Arsenal also end up with a win. Now only left Man City as the only club yet to concede a goal in the premiership. Stoke and Birmingham got the first draw game of the season.
==================================
[Joke] Watch The Watch...
It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Claude the Amazing Hypnotist was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage, he announced,
"Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch.... "
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
"Crap!" said the hypnotist.
It took three weeks to clean up the theater.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Tak Sedap
Well, I can't make it to lunch with my colleagues today cos have a meeting at 2pm. Was early so I stop by at a roadside stall at Jln Chan Sow Lin to grab a bite, rojak and cendol for lunch. Turns out it sucks big time. Really sangat tak sedap. But no choice, telan saja la. It's cheap, though. RM3.50 for both rojak and cendol. Well, that's one stall I'm never gonna go back again.
Footie fans got another round of shock in game 2. Newly promoted Burnley provides the shock of the day with the 1-0 defeat of champion Man Utd. Spurs turn on the heat by going top of the league with a 5-1 win away to Hull. Else, it's back to business by Gerrard and co, with the captain assist twice in a 4-0 win against Stoke, who held them to a goaless draw last season, twice. Torres opened the scoring spree, Glen Johnson scored no 2, his first goal in his home debut, Kuyt and N'gog seal it in the second half. Hopefully they can continue the free scoring against Aston Villa on Monday. Also will miss watching the game again...why can't they play on Sunday???
Had a bad luck in the morning. While squeezing my way through the traffic before Sunway toll at LDP, this 1 tonne lorry keeps squeezing into my lane. He was very close on my left. I let him pass, hoping he doesn't touch my car. But no, he chose to scratch my left side mirror with his rear side. And I'm not sure whether he didn't know it or pretending cos he doesn't have any reaction. Damn...Kanasai.
Went to renew my passport this morning at Subang Airport there. Was there yesterday but too many ppl, so have to abandon the plan and come back today, earlier. There were only 2 counters ooen and the machine at the kiosk is not working, and I don't think it can reach us in time with 20ppl on queue and it's 8.40am. (I start work at 9am) So, come back today lor. Reached at about 8am. Kanasai today they open 4-5 counters. I don't even have to wait for my turn and it was all done within 5 minutes. Can collect new passport within 2 hours but decided to drop by tomorrow to pick it up.
So, today reached office 1/2 hour early. Yay...
Footie fans got another round of shock in game 2. Newly promoted Burnley provides the shock of the day with the 1-0 defeat of champion Man Utd. Spurs turn on the heat by going top of the league with a 5-1 win away to Hull. Else, it's back to business by Gerrard and co, with the captain assist twice in a 4-0 win against Stoke, who held them to a goaless draw last season, twice. Torres opened the scoring spree, Glen Johnson scored no 2, his first goal in his home debut, Kuyt and N'gog seal it in the second half. Hopefully they can continue the free scoring against Aston Villa on Monday. Also will miss watching the game again...why can't they play on Sunday???
Had a bad luck in the morning. While squeezing my way through the traffic before Sunway toll at LDP, this 1 tonne lorry keeps squeezing into my lane. He was very close on my left. I let him pass, hoping he doesn't touch my car. But no, he chose to scratch my left side mirror with his rear side. And I'm not sure whether he didn't know it or pretending cos he doesn't have any reaction. Damn...Kanasai.
Went to renew my passport this morning at Subang Airport there. Was there yesterday but too many ppl, so have to abandon the plan and come back today, earlier. There were only 2 counters ooen and the machine at the kiosk is not working, and I don't think it can reach us in time with 20ppl on queue and it's 8.40am. (I start work at 9am) So, come back today lor. Reached at about 8am. Kanasai today they open 4-5 counters. I don't even have to wait for my turn and it was all done within 5 minutes. Can collect new passport within 2 hours but decided to drop by tomorrow to pick it up.
So, today reached office 1/2 hour early. Yay...
Monday, August 17, 2009
First Game Over
Ok, Liverpool lost in their first game. Sad. I have to admit that they play like sh*t in the first half. It's better in the second half but they don't really deserve to win with that kind of performance. I also admit that I thought referee is "kayu". IMHO, it's a clear penalty on the push on Voronin by the Spurs' first goalscorer. The handball is no issue. And I'm furious on how easy the referee give free kicks to Spurs whose player fell with a soft touch. Well, I'm not going to get banned for critisizing the stupid referee. Stupid stupid stupid.
Anyhow, it's quite a concern on the way they played last night. They only get lively when Yossi was introduced. I thought Johnson was all sorts before his surge run to get the penalty. They let Spurs control the game. Wednesday is the first home game against Stoke. Hopefully they don't park bus in front of their goal again. And hopefully Rafa can find a key to unlock the bus and drive it away so that his boys can score.
Back to BPL, all 10 games ended up with winners, no draw. 6 away winners. 4 debutants scored. Shock of the day is of course Arsenal's 6-1 win at Goodison Park. Only 6 of 10 games will be played next in the midweek. Cos there's qualifying games to the European Games in midweek also.
Anyway, back to reality. A bit busy over the weekend. Had a gathering with some of the old old old batch of MMURCS. For pics you can check my facebook. Also played badminton on Sunday afternoon having missed it a week before. Now my right leg is sore :(
Was quite upset that Malaysia didn't have any representatives in Badminton World Championship in India. Ccan't believe the Datuk Lee stuck at QF. The doubles also crashed out in the semis, when they are so close to make it to the finals.
I still haven't got any update on my stories. Still lazy and lazy. Haha. Ok, maybe will continue brainstorming today.
Will do another review of BPL on Thursday although I might not be able to watch it. Biasa la midweek game sure 3am here.
Okla..nothing to write liao
Anyhow, it's quite a concern on the way they played last night. They only get lively when Yossi was introduced. I thought Johnson was all sorts before his surge run to get the penalty. They let Spurs control the game. Wednesday is the first home game against Stoke. Hopefully they don't park bus in front of their goal again. And hopefully Rafa can find a key to unlock the bus and drive it away so that his boys can score.
Back to BPL, all 10 games ended up with winners, no draw. 6 away winners. 4 debutants scored. Shock of the day is of course Arsenal's 6-1 win at Goodison Park. Only 6 of 10 games will be played next in the midweek. Cos there's qualifying games to the European Games in midweek also.
Anyway, back to reality. A bit busy over the weekend. Had a gathering with some of the old old old batch of MMURCS. For pics you can check my facebook. Also played badminton on Sunday afternoon having missed it a week before. Now my right leg is sore :(
Was quite upset that Malaysia didn't have any representatives in Badminton World Championship in India. Ccan't believe the Datuk Lee stuck at QF. The doubles also crashed out in the semis, when they are so close to make it to the finals.
I still haven't got any update on my stories. Still lazy and lazy. Haha. Ok, maybe will continue brainstorming today.
Will do another review of BPL on Thursday although I might not be able to watch it. Biasa la midweek game sure 3am here.
Okla..nothing to write liao
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